for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
