she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude i'm inner monologue high
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
