I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
