Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
