I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
