My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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