i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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