He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
