dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
