Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
