Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
