i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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