i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize