Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
