She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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