break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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