The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
