This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
In America we eat man semen.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
