Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
