Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
