CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
