I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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