It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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