I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
farters have to be the big spoon...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
