I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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