I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize