I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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