At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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