In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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