Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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