i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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