I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
