I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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