All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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