I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
