you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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