ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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