i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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