our cab driver is having phone sex.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
