why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
