I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
