Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
