I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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