Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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