My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
