I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
