Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
