How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
His hands were made for my vagina.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize