The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you will always have a special place in my vag
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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