I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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