i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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