I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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