Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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