I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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