hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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