They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We were destined to go to rehab together
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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