is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
