I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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