It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you never un-have a 4some
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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