What did we do last night that was yellow?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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