k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
