you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
