I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
