I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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