Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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