he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
