So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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