This is not my ceiling
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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