Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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