The brown eye won't let me do that either.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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