I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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