I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
