11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you had me at cake vodka
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
