Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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