Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
